Hearing from God, missing the point

For the past couple of years, I have been asking God for one word and one scripture for that year. I love doing this because I take the time to hear from the Lord. Honestly, I should do that all the time, but that is another blog. Another reason I love doing this is that I get a verse that I can hold tight to my heart for that year.  Just like when you get something new, like a new car, a new style, or you just found out you’re pregnant, you then see that new thing everywhere! The same thing happens with that one word or scripture, and it feels like God is talking to you everywhere. Especially, if you go into Hobby Lobby— they always seem to have my word or scripture plastered on every decoration there.

Going into the year of 2018, God gave me the word Joy.  The word Joy means a feeling of great pleasure and happiness; “tears of joy”. My first reaction was, “Yes, Lord!  I will take it.” In my heart, I thought 2018 was going to be amazing and just full of joy.  Man, I was a little off with that interpretation.

It was New Year’s Eve and I was headed home from the hospital to an empty house. You see, Jon was in the hospital waiting to have surgery to remove a lot of fluid from around his lung and his chest cavity. I’m not talking like a boogie from around his lung, but like so much fluid that if they didn’t remove it, I could have lost him.  As I was driving home worried and lonely, I remember asking God, ” So…. about this word Joy…I’m not feeling it.”

Jon had his surgery, everything came out great, and after 12 days he was able to come home. I had pure Joy then. I was thanking God for letting him come home and making him whole again. Well, except for the big hole that was on his side where they had the draining tube, but you get my point.

As time went on, life seemed to be going pretty good and I was seeing Joy in my kids and in my husband. I had started school for Life Coaching and that was Joy to me because I was finally going after my dream. I had Joy watching my kiddos play sports, and in seeing what they were doing musically.  I had Joy having a small group with our church. I had Joy watching new friendships develop. I had Joy watching my youngest son, Ben, finally learn how to swim on his own. The list goes on and on, yet deep down I didn’t feel the Joy.

While we had a hard start to the New Year, we did have a good year. Yet, I found myself being sad and disappointed in that there were promises that God had spoken to Jon and me, and I thought with the word Joy that meant they would come to pass in 2018. When they didn’t, I found myself getting bitter and a little bit of a hard heart. I was losing my Joy and I was questioning if I really heard from God.

As this year was closing, I started praying again for a word and a verse for 2019 and God said “Are you really listening to me? You didn’t fully listen to me with the word Joy.” Me being the brat I am I said, “Well, what more listening do I do for the word Joy?” He said, “Your word was Joy, but you needed to find Joy in everything you do. In hard times, find that joy; in the good times, finds that joy. No matter what was going on, you needed to find me and find the joy. You missed it!” Talk about a smack in the face and feeling like the worst listener ever.
How many times do we interpret what God says to us in the way we want to hear it? We are always in a rush to cut him off and just take a little part of what he speaks and run with it. How much do we miss when we do that? How many blessings do we miss? Whose lives could we have touched if we just stopped and REALLY listened?  Even though I missed some of God this year, I did learn from this that I really need to take more time with God and hear all he has to say.

My word for this year, 2019, is FAITH. I have been asking what this looks like, but not sure yet… I am keeping my faith that God will show me and speak to me.  Stay tuned for a blog on this one… HaHa

Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.

Psalms 126:5 (NLT)