Guardrails

The definition of the guardrail is a rail that prevents people from falling off or being hit by something.

People ask Jon and me all the time, how do you keep a good marriage going, or what makes your marriage so good?  We tend to answer with: We have guardrails put in place for our marriage. We love our marriage, but I don’t think it would be as good as it is if we didn’t have our guardrails, and God in our marriage.

What do I mean by putting up guardrails in a marriage? When Jon and I got married, we set up some goals for our marriage that we want to finish our marriage which leads us to putting up guardrails. There were some events in my teenage years that made me lose trust in men and in love, but when God showed me what real love was, I wanted to do all I could to protect our love and keep our trust healthy. We both agreed on always putting each other first. We also agreed to never be alone with the opposite sex, and to never ride in a car with the opposite sex.  At any time, if someone from the opposite sex makes us feel uncomfortable, we hear each other out and try to find the best solution to make it better.

I’m sure some of you are thinking this is nuts; you all are out of your minds; how does this even work? We may be nuts and out of our minds, but I want to finish with my husband without having an affair attached to our marriage.  I read a study recently, that 40% of pastors have admitted to having an affair with someone from the church.  In my line of work, I’m sure it’s the same or higher. We don’t want to be a part of the 40%.

You might be wondering how this works for us, especially, with the line of work we are in.  For Jon, if he has a meeting with a female, he will schedule it so I can sit in on it. I may sit in the corner and just work, or play Candy Crush. If I can’t be there, he will have the meeting out in public, or where people can look in. The same for me.  If I have to coach a male, I make sure Jon is home with me, or we meet out in public. The same thing for riding in a car.  We will take our own car to where we have to go instead of riding alone with a person of the opposite sex.

Jon has messed up a couple of times with this.  Is it a big deal?  No, but since we have the guardrails up, it felt like a big deal.  He felt the bump of this and didn’t like how it felt. He came home, talked about it, and it was fine. Do I want him, or I, to continue to do this?  No, because that is opening a door for the enemy to come in, take down those guardrails, and have us fall off the cliff. To us, a 30-minute meeting with someone, or riding with someone might be weird and uncomfortable.  However, we will take weird and uncomfortable with setting up meetings and riding in a  car by ourselves over messing up 16 years of marriage, or not finishing with each other in the end.

Last, we put each other first. A great marriage is a self-less marriage. It has become so natural and routine for us, after doing it for so long. There is not a day that goes by that you don’t hear in our house, “What can I do for you?” Do we always feel like putting the other spouse first?  NO, but man, does it make a big difference in our marriage!  When you put each other first, you end up getting blessed in return… and let’s just say it really helps in the sex department! (Sorry mom and mother in law for reading that last line.) Marriage takes hard work, but it is so worth it in the end.

Does your marriage have guardrails? Do you have goals? It is never too late to start. If you don’t know where to start, or how this all works, well, it’s a good thing you know a Marriage Life Coach to help you out!  Send me a message and I would love to set up an appointment with you.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7